I wrote this, let me know your thoughts...?

Sometimes I feel as though I am going to burst into flames. I burn everyday, but the fire never gets a bigger or goes out. Sometimes I wish it would just happen. That I would burst, releasing all the painful energy from within. But then I remember all the lies I told and that they would find out if the flames finally released their grip on me. These lies I told were meant to protect them from my pain. Pain they do not know I have. If I combust, the lies that once protected them will only hurt them. It is an odd feeling not to live for oneself, but for others. I feel as though I need to get away, just get in my car and leave. But since I have always lived for others, this is hard to do. I know leaving would suffocate the flames, and may eventually extinguish them. But the ashes would remain. I wish everyday I were brave enough, although I am not foolish enough to wish things were different. I do not believe in wishes. I believe in action. Certain actions take bravery that I do not yet have. I see myself going one day, but it arouses a feeling of terror that I am not yet ready to face. And so until I am ready, I must go through with what is expected of me. The expectations are not extreme, but dully manageable. The real challenge is figuring out how to build my strength and prepare for what I must do in order to save myself. They may never understand. I do not even fully understand yet. But we are meant to live our life, not exist in someone else’s. I plan to find my own way and whether I fail or succeed has no importance to me. Life after all, is about the journey. The end result is the same for us all.